On Gratitude

Happy Thanksgiving

We have a lot of problems, but we have much to be grateful for, as well.

A proper mindset, such as taking the whitepill, is essential for us.

The coming holiday season can be a beautiful time if you have the right mix of 1) mindset, 2) tradition, and 3) relationships. Even if you don’t have all three, you can find contentment through gratitude for what you do have, while being thankful you have the opportunity to further develop all three in the future.

Below is a useful idea for anyone who is struggling with mindset issues regarding our problems:

A famous researcher predicts divorce with 91% accuracy.
He invented a game to protect against the #1 relationship killer.
Here it is (in 3 minutes).
Actor Jonah Hill has a new Netflix documentary (Stutz) about a famous therapist.
The film details the tools Jonah learned from Dr. Phil Stutz that changed his life.
Dr. Stutz believes gratitude is the only emotion that can cut through the black cloud of negative thoughts.
Another famous psychologist, Dr. John Gottman, revealed that Contempt was the most predictive pattern that killed a relationship over time.
Contempt is criticism with an air of superiority.
But Contempt was revealed to have an antidote: Gratitude.
Gratitude is a magic emotion.
When you feel gratitude, you can’t feel anger or sadness at the same time.
So Gottman invented a very simple game.
It’s called Gratitude Tennis.
It only takes 3 minutes to play.
Here’s how:
Rules:
1. Player one serves up something they are grateful for.
2. Player 2 must “return” the gratitude with something they are grateful for.
3. Repeat “serving” gratitudes back to all the players until the 3-min timer goes off.
Bonus Points:
Share something you are grateful for related to someone playing the game.
Gratitude is fantastic for your health. And it is especially powerful to receive.
As Dr. Andrew Huberman points out:
“Counter to what most believe, the major positive effects of gratitude (which are many, significant & impact psychology & physiology) mainly stem from receiving gratitude not giving it… or from observing others helping. That’s what the data show anyway. Either way, give thanks!”
Gratitude Tennis creates a structure where everyone involved has a chance to receive it.
The game works at home with family and friends.
It even works on zoom with remote work colleagues.
WARNING (for whoever suggests Gratitude Tennis):
-Some will think it sounds cheesy or awkward.
-You may get a few eye rolls (the physical manifestation of contempt).
This is where you lean on the short 3-min timer.
Resistance to the idea of Gratitude Tennis occurs because the game forces the sharing of authentic emotion.
Unfortunately, that is not the norm for many relationships.
People resist the idea of the game because breaking that norm is uncomfortable.
Have resolve.
The game provides a structure to break through that norm and get into deeper connection.
With Gratitude Tennis, I’ve never seen a game finish without wall-to-wall smiles.
Good luck.
To my friends in the US, may your holidays have more gratitude and less contempt.

It only takes three minutes. Even if you don’t have someone to play the Gratitude Tennis Game with, just make a few refinements to play the Gratitude Boomerang Game instead. Either one is helpful for leveling a person out.

For the holidays: Eat some phenomenal food, spend some time meditating on things you have been blessed with, enjoy time with the loved ones (no matter who they are), and heal your spirit through thankfulness.

That’s what I intend to do, anyhow.

Cheers. Have a great Thanksgiving.

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